Saturday, 28 February 2015

Living with Anxiety

 This is one of the most perfect sunsets i have ever seen!! Majorca 2010.
I have recently just finished what seems to have been months of exams and you would think that this week off that i have i would have spent it happy and partying  in the knowledge that i had just complete 3/4 of my degree but rather i spent in curled up in bed, shut away from my friends and family. I don't enjoy sitting at home all day long but I physically couldn't  do anything else . It's as though a pause button has been pressed on my life and  I was just... waiting. Its almost a downward spiral, the anxiety makes me feel low and the lower i feel the more vulnerable i am to my anxiety. 


I have been dealing with this since i was about 14/15 and it still doesn't get better.You feel like you're going mad, like you're going to die; worrying about everything, feeling out of control, wondering what you sound like and what you look like. The voice in your head, it's constant. You can't stop it. It's exhausting. For me my anxiety comes and goes and its triggered by specific situations such as stress or over worrying about something be it the way i look or lack of training contracts. And sometimes these overwhelming feelings do sometimes result in panic attacks.Its not something i  felt i could share with people and for some reason i have always experienced some level of shame. As if it was my fault that i wasn't 'strong' enough to deal with my problems. I have always  been what you would call a 'chatty kid'. I was always smiling, loud and joking. I was confident too, taking part in activities and always found it easy to make friends. But when i got to the age of 14, i started having periods where i would feel down for no reason. I lacked the enthusiasm i once had and i withdrew, stopped contributing in class and excluded myself from chats with friends. This was so sudden and aliens to me that i would try to avoid situation where my 'illness' would be exposed and this continued on through to university and i always tried my best to hide it. This was easy for me since like i said my anxiety came and went and so i just pretended that i was always happy chatty Issie. Its only recently that i have actually opened up and explained my situation to a few friends and i am stating to realised that mental illness is an illness like any other and the negative stigma attacked to it meant that i isolated myself and felt alone and made myself more vulnerable to my anxiety.


I wanted to share my story with you in the hope that it would help even just one of you know that you are not alone and that there are a few things that can help you live with your anxiety and that its nothing to be ashamed of as well. I wish someone had told me this back when i was 14 and perhaps i could have avoided years of pain and darkness and the feeling of feeling inadequate.Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time. Most of us would recognise feelings of tension, uncertainty, worry or fear. But if you experience anxiety symptoms at higher levels than usual, or they stay at high levels for long periods, this can be very uncomfortable and interfere with everyday life. Its then i would advice you to tell people and seek medical help as well.Anxiety disorders are some of the most common mental health problems, affecting 16% of people in the UK.

One of the things that i have found works best for me is writing down my thoughts and then identifying my thinking errors – for instance, the way I is prone to catastrophise, always jumping in my mind straight to the worst possible scenario. I simply write down my emotions, and then I  ask myself questions. Would a scientist accept this way of thinking? Would a judge? Where's the evidence? Then I write another list, a  more rational one. And I try to look at that list and believe it in rather than the voice in my head.

I know this is not the best start to the weekend and its a little different to what is normally have here on the blog but i really wanted to share this with you all and bring awareness to this issue as well. If you suffer from Anxiety i would love to hear how you deal with it and different techniques that have worked for you.
I will talk to y'all soon.
Love Issie xox

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1 comment

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    ReplyDelete

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Issie xox

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